Monday, July 19, 2004
When I was a kid, we had woods in the backyard. All of the neighborhood kids played back there, some of the trees bent in a way that made a natural "fort" that lead to a lot of hiding and messing around.
For some reason, I always seemed to be the leader. Time and time again in my life that happened. Other people tended to look to me for guidance, and some even went far out of their way to be like me. Sometimes I thought about it, but couldn't really explain it. It wasn't until much later in life that I started to come to terms with it. For better or for worse, I was a leader.
The position of Alpha Male is seen as one of the most socially desirable (in wolves as well as humans) as having it enables a male to make decisions about how their social group/pack is run, to exact submission and obedience from subordinates, and generally to control things and boss others around at will. The power of the alpha male is matched only by that of the alpha female, who is just as in control as the alpha male is. Though in human society, individual ego and desire for authority often exclude the possibility of a partnership at the top. Humans seem to have a remarkable tendency for aggregating ultimate authority to one (usually male) person.
I was the [alpha male].
Even when there was someone that you would think would be competing for that alpha male slot, I somehow got it without even trying (or wanting it). It's just something that I had to deal with. That's not to say I have people skills - in fact, far from it. I'm not diplomatic, and I can be very abrasive at times. While I have patience, I don't have much patience for people who don't make an effort.
So long after I was aware of all this, I was looking back on past relationships. It dawned on me that the women I had been dating all had a submissive streak a mile wide. Why did I keep falling into relationships with submissive women?
I was the alpha male.
For some reason I never connected the whole alpha male social hierarchy thing to dating and relationships before that. I started to understand things I had been through in the past in a new light, and a lot of things made more sense. Not only had I not realized I was dating submissive women, to some extent I had been fighting it. My natural tendency was to be attracted to submissive women, and for some of them at least to be attracted to me.
Since then I've been able to come to terms with that, and to even embrace it. It's part of who I am - I can't help having a strong personality or leadership skills just like I can't help having a taste for mint chocolate chip ice cream. It's who I am, and how I deal with it is part of who I am as well.
I'm a dominant male, and you can deal with that however you want. I'm not at all into the D/s scene, thanks - it's just too fake, and that's not me. I don't have a need to wear leather and act like a pompous ass. I can't imagine how anyone would respect someone that does, I'd have enough trouble respecting myself. Saying it's a lifestyle choice isn't accurate at all, like saying being Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual is a lifestyle choice.
There is no choice in who you are.
[ 7/19/2004 06:08:00 PM ] [