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Monday, August 19, 2002

Relationships.
At times, the most wonderful thing in the world. At other times, the worst.
When you love someone, you love every part of them, everything about them. You transcend their flaws, their imperfections both big and small. The ways you are alike, the ways that you are different.

But you can't take anything for granted. Do what you think is right, and live with the consequences.

Not quite so long ago in realtime someone fell into my lap. I fell in love, hard. I wasn't out looking for it (that never leads to good things, IMHO), I wasn't even looking for a relationship. It just happened. Funny how that works out. In dantime it seems like years ago that it happened.

Our relationship has been complicated, to see the least. I don't see her much (well, never), and that has made things pretty hard on me. Trading sweet nothings via IMs, email, etc.... it isn't for the faint of heart. A text-only channel can have very little bandwidth, which can lead to disaster if you're emotionally invested in what you're reading. There is no inflection in TCP packet. Simple statements can lead to misunderstandings. If someone sees you not typing much, or answering with single words, they usually assume you're pissed off, not that you're tired or your carpal tunnel is acting up or you're shuttling between the dishes and the computer with soapy hands avoiding certain death by electrocution.

It is condensing meaning from the vapor of nuance, and primates do it better in person.

That said, you can often know someone online in ways you never would in person. You'll learn things about them they might never tell you otherwise, you might discover things that you would only encounter after years of dating. You can pull a vulcan mind meld without even trying.

Knowing someone is not as simple as exchanging pgp keys, I suppose.

In the real world, the world of concrete and disappointment, I flounder. Headhunters say I am in demand because I have better social skillz than the average geek (the average geek to them, honestly, is fresh off the boat from asia though). I fall in between. I have better social skills than some, but far less impressive than most. I suppose I'm a nice guy, I don't go kicking puppies regularly, but at the same time I'm not the slick idiot who spent more time on his hair than his girlfriend did.

That's not me.

I am, at heart, a hacker. In the old skool MIT way. I am a liberal. In the "i don't fuck around" kind of way. I'm neither democrat or republican. I, unlike most of the people around me it seems, am aware of my environment (pilots call it "situational awareness"). I can hold up a conversation without trying, but rarely try - because I bore easily I guess. My kinds of serious conversations are often above the level of other people.

But I'm still fun ;) I am your broken futon, your missing underwear, the stain you can't get out, the creaking noise you can't find, the tell-tale heart that is your own lurking fear. I'll open your eyes to the good and evil in the world, and we're all good.... in our own ways.

evilcrazyfunlikemajjik. that's me.


8/19/2002 03:08:00 PM ] [  0 comments  ]
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